Thursday, March 29, 2012

Then and Now

It took a while for me to get out of that blurry postpartum wearing-a-bathrobe-all-day-even-though-I-haven't-had-a-shower-today phase. It was hard, figuring out how to be a Mom. I'd lay around in bed all day with Asher, trying to make sure I did everything right and still not feeling like I had accomplished anything. I didn't, really - well, nothing tangible at least. But my New Mama eyes can now see that I got a lot accomplished in those days of newness, a lot of bonding and learning and getting our life figured out.

Shall I dare post a picture of those early days? I'm being real here, so this was us:

Up close and personal. Too close, because Daddy was gone to work and school and all I had to document our early days at home while he was gone during the day was my phone camera, arm's length away. But anyways, there was lots of cuddle time. Lots of this.
Lots of giving more kisses than I knew I had.

After a few weeks of this awesome bonding, however, I knew something had to change. The bonding and cuddling could still continue, of course, but dishes needed washed, laundry needed folding, the house needed cleaned, and the dog needed some love too.

I had to have an internship for school, and Beacon Hill needed someone to help during Angela's maternity leave, so I offered my (lack of) skills to them. It was a challenge, at first, to get myself and Asher ready two days a week for work plus another day a week for school. We were offered daycare service at church, but RSV was going around (although not in the daycare itself) and Brandon worried Asher might catch something. So I managed to work with baby in tow (or in Ergo) a few days. Finally, we decided it was safe to leave him in daycare.

Since I work in the same building as the daycare, leaving Asher there works out great. I can go and check on him at any time, and when it's time to feed him, I just go get him and bring him to my office. The daycare workers are great, and Asher flourishes there. Unlike home, where the house is quiet and Mama is boring, there's always something going on in the daycare nursery. Asher is content to just sit and watch everyone, and I can get some work accomplished.

That's how I took care of my productiveness problem at home, too: I realized that if I can get stuff done at work, I can do it at home, as well. I don't have to hold Asher all day for him to know that I love him (although I do still get plenty of holding and cuddling done, and no longer see it as unproductive). I don't plan to be a working (outside the home) mom, since I want to homeschool, but I am thankful for this temporary job because it has helped me in the motivation department.

I miss him when he's at daycare, though. I go and see him too much probably, I bet it drives the workers crazy. That's one reason we won't send our kids to school, but rather homeschool them: we'll have more bonding time together at home. But that's another discussion. I am just ready to be finished with college, though. Because next semester (and the next [but then we'll be DONE!]), we'll have to leave Asher with family or friends or at daycare. And I don't want to miss anything.

Speaking of missing things, Brandon got him to laugh out loud the other day, and didn't even tell me until yesterday, when he demonstrated again. He tickled Asher's ribs, and Asher gave the cutest little belly laugh. I'm trying to get him to do it for me today, but I've never been a good tickler. The little stinker gives Daddy all his firsts: smile, laugh, he'll probably say "da-da" first, too. Hmph.

Parting shot for today: Asher and Mama went for a walk the other day. Such a sweet grin!

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